 It won't be long before, in the name of the struggle against global warming and greenhouse gases, the EU will be ordering us to breathe less and eat only food that reduces flatulence to a minimum.
A decisive step in this direction has been taken by European Commission President José Manuel Barroso and Environment Commisioner Stavros Dimas, who have launched a campaign to raise awareness on "climate change". An ambitious campaign, seeing as how weathermen - the real ones - have trouble figuring out whether it's going to rain or be sunny even tomorrow.
But the European Commission feels its omnipotence. Therefore, having discovered that "families in the EU are responsible for about 16 percent of the total emissions of greenhouse gases in the Union" they have decided to "re-educate" their citizens. Their slogan is "Save energy. Re-cycle. Walk"
In a few days the cities of Europe will be plastered over by posters and flooded by brochures. They will even put maxi T-shirts on the major statues of the European capitals: among which - announces the Commission - will be monuments such as the Manneken Pis, a bronze sculpture surmounting a fountain in Brussels, various statues of composer Johann Strauss in Vienna, and more.
Since the campaign is aimed at individual citizens, the Commission has also seen to creating objective parameters which will enable each of us to measure the progress achieved by our efforts. All you have to do is click on the website created to this purpose (www.climatechange.eu.com ) and you will find a "carbon calculator" which can measure how much CO2 (carbon dioxide) is produced by our every action.
The idea is to encourage people to change their daily habits. To this purpose the website offers fifty helpful suggestions. Some of them we already know very well, like: avoid leaving your tv or computer on standby, use both sides of a sheet of paper when printing, avoid using your car and so on. Then there are the curious ones like: place your refrigerator far away from where you cook (like maybe in your bedroom?) because the higher the temperature in the room the more the refrigerator will consume; or "plant a tree" in order to absorb carbon hydroxide. Others yet treat European citizens as if they were decidedly idiots: in winter don't keep your windows open all day; they tell us, and, oh yes, don't set your refrigerator thermostat onto the maximum degree (thereby freezing all your food) and so on.
Besides all of this, citizens are also asked to sign a commitment and fax it to the appropriate office of the European Commission. In this document we are to pledge that: "I can control the climate changes and I commit myself to reducing my CO2 emissions by making small changes in my daily behaviour". Oh, can't you hear the wonderful atmosphere of the Chinese Cultural Revolution, the very poetry of triumphant Mao-ism?
What all this leads to is quite obvious All of us emit CO2 every time we breathe. There is bound to come a time therefore when we all, as good citizens, will have to make up our minds to breathe less, avoid sports (which accelerate breathing) and launch threatening looks at all those who pant and have difficult breathing (kits are already available for purchase that allow you to measure your personal emissions of CO2). Not to mention flatulence: when we burp we emit methane gas, one of the principal greenhouse gases. No kidding: in its campaign advice to citizens the EU Commission writes: "Eat vegetables! Meat production intensifies the emissions of CO2 and methane gas, and requires large quantities of water. Ruminants, such as cattle and poultry, produce a great deal of methane because of their digestive system."
Last September a piece of research from France showed how cattle by itself (with its 4 stomachs) emits three times the greenhouse gases produced by the country's 14 petroleum refineries.
Well, the tragic part of all this is that the money to pay for this madness comes from our taxes: for this awareness campaign alone the European Commission has allotted 47 million euros, to which must be added the other millions - or rather billions - of euros needed to finance the Kyoto Protocol. A recent calculation by the International Council for Capital Formation (ICCF) showed that if Italy were to attempt to achieve the goals set for it by 2010, we would have economic repercussions to the tune of two points of the GDP, an increase of the electricity bill by 13 percent and a loss of 200,000 jobs.
The upsetting thing is that our current government in Italy firmly intends to pursue this goal: Premier Romano Prodi has often referred to himself as a "Kyoto militant" and when he was President of the EU Commission was decisive in giving an environmentalist turn to the Union.
Might one at least dare to suggest to him that he breathe a little less?
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